How Tomorrow Brought My Heart Back

a moment to exhale hope, again
with the same light
that shone through
the fractures
one year ago
warming me
keeping me.

except this time
the unseen side
is seen
and (most) unidentified elements
have revealed themselves.

there is no icy wind
rattling my lonliness
and my heart is far from flat.

and this time,
the twinkle on the christmas tree winks
as i smirk once again
and tell her she was right,
tomorrow did indeed bring my heart back.

~ in response to this moment’s post last year ~

Most of the Time

well
that was a rush
of love and family
and way too many gifts.

i felt a churn
inside, sedated
yet piercing
and i’m wondering
if it’s real change
i’m ready for,
or my own door
i’m arriving at.

i stretch
my sentimental
memory feelers out
into territory
that usually destroys,
but now it’s like probing
a static picture,
nothing moving
nothing hurting.

and i wonder if
i’ve moved beyond
or if i’ve simply
cacooned up
as an act
of self-preservation,
waiting to emerge
some other time.

either way,
i got through christmas
and i smiled
real smiles,
most of the time.

Exhaling Hope

a christmas eve
with tiny, missing,
punctured holes
that let in some sort of light
from another, unseen side.

which side
i don’t know
but another side does shine through
in dark beams
of unidentified elements.

the winter creeps
with icy wind
at my window
rattling loneliness,
flattening my heart.

a twinkle
on the christmas tree
sighs with me
as i greet it,
she tells me,
‘tomorrow will bring
your heart back to you’,
and i smirk in disbelief,
exhaling hope
for a merry christmas.

Home, this winter.

My dad and brothers made a rink this year in our backyard. it’s perfect. there’s been loads of snow this december, so there’s been a bit of upkeep. this is what the rink looked like last night before i cleared it.

And, here is what it looked like after 45 min of clearing. it felt good to be out there in the winter night, sliding and flinging snow all over the place…listening to Al Green on my ipod.

It also felt great to be on the ice. i still love to skate. long strides, making that deep crackling sound as the edge of my blades ride the ice.

Beautiful Paper

Getting ready to make holiday cards.

I went down to the Paper Place on Queen St. yesterday. I’ve always been in love with this place. It has every type of paper product imaginable. Gorgeous stuff. There is something about fine paper products that really get me going. I’m planning to create some crafty holiday greeting cards, starting today. First, I need to get over simply admiring the variations of beauty each piece holds….and then I will finally bring myself to cut it up into pieces.

Five down, many more to go.