Shell of Light

this isn’t mine yet
i’m groping for it
wishing at it
but there is a line here
and you are on the other side
and i’m asking
but there is no forcing
this arrival.

a pinched scream
to remind me
of the lies i kept
my moments of choice
where i leaned in
while pulling back
fraying at the edges
of my neatly stitched existence.

and now my life smeared
with cooling balm
i heat up
and probe the details
once again
i could falter
and re-enter
the gaping hole
where pieces
of a truth
linger and limp
only to find
that cutting out my heart
was the best choice
all along.

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